Tigers for Men Wearing Dresses

by tigermanifesto

You know, it’s unfortunate that men are not allowed to appropriate women’s names or their clothing the way traditionally masculine clothing and names have crossed over. Tigers go around naked all the time; our fur is neither wrinkly nor embarrassing to look at, so we have no need of garments. That said, I feel a great deal of sympathy for the North American human male. At this point, the straight white man has built a sartorial gilded cage for himself, wearing almost nothing but suits and distressingly dull casual attire. I am fairly sure that the state of Hawaii has sued the shirt named after it in the International Criminal Court for defamation.

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Or, if they haven’t, they damn well should.

As a tiger, I’m befuddled by the persistent gender gaps in clothing. It’s not as though the male body–cis or trans, makes no difference–breaks out in hives if it touches something loose and flowing.

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If I ran the world, this would be the masked face of business casual.

And probably the most pernicious effect of Western imperialism in the world–other than rampant economic inequality, the world wars, and slavery–is the universalization of the business suit. Ah, the suit. Probably the most practical, aesthetically neutral piece of clothing you are likely to wear. Oh, you work in banking? Let me guess, you wear a suit. At that point in the conversation, “blue or black” is the most meaningful choice you can make. I’m not saying that coloration and subtle stylistic differences don’t add up, but I think we could go for some more diversity in the male wardrobe. Instead of going out on the town wearing a grubbier version of the same clothes they wear to work, why not rock something more elegant but just comfy?

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Men of all persuasions! Let us break out of our snarky t-shirt and business suit prison. The time to actually care about how we look is nigh. I want to see men shopping in the women’s section, making collage art with their outfits, rocking heels. Who knows? Maybe, in a few decades’ time, we can elect a male president dressed like this:

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Oh, hell yes, I am voting for him. Even if he is technically wearing pants.

Next, we need to get the name “Ashley” back to being gender neutral. That’ll be on the agenda, I’m sure.

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